Things Haymitch Never Said
by alixxblack
Summary: Why was Katniss Haymitch's favorite? Find out in this one-shot story told from Haymitch's POV that looks back on the events of the entire Hunger Games trilogy.


_Disclaimer: Not my characters, not actually my plot. This is just a set of things that I imagine being possible with this particular character. I am not trying to gain a profit and honestly - your lawsuit probably wouldn't hold up in court considering the warning. Thank you for being an understanding human being and fanfictioner :)  
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><p><em>Note: I posted this originally on tumblr. Quite a few people really enjoyed it so I thought I'd bring it over here so you guys can read it. I think those of you who do read my short stories will like this. It's a new side to Haymitch. I could be wrong, but I think it's totally realistic too.<br>_

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><p><em>She was my everything. When I got reaped she told my parents to visit fast because she wanted as much time as she could spare for me. She asked when she came in for one thing. She wanted to share a physical connection that she had been waiting to give to me when we married. Of course she meant that she wanted to giver herself to me. We had planned on marriage for so long that being reaped was never something we thought to be a threat. Here I was though, though, reaped and heading off to the Games. Before she left that day she held her stomach and squeezer her legs together, as if she were hoping for the worst. It would have been the best to her. She was crying as she backed out of the room, "I want to remember you exactly like this." She rushed away with one last kiss blown to me. My visits were over and I was to head to the Capitol momentarily.<em>

_I forgot to tell her I loved her, although she argued when I came home that I had done something better: showed it. It was a surprise to everyone in District 12 that I won the Games. I was the first ever Victor. When I returned, though, I knew that something would be amiss. I had used the Gamemakers tricks against them. I saw the way President Snow looked at me from the audience when I had my interview. It was a disaster. I kept everyone in my home in Victor Village. They were only permitted to leave if I was near them. Unfortunately, one day I went to purchase a ring for her alone. When I returned home their bodies were strewn across the house. There was no blood anywhere, there were only dead bodies. I screamed loud enough for the people in the Square to hear me. The usual Peacemakers couldn't even bare to see what had happened. They knew as well as I did that it was the vengeance of President Snow for pulling my stunt. They took everyone and everything I loved in one scoop. When her body was taken I asked if they could see if she was pregnant, if they could know. _

_A day later the medic came to me and said that she didn't have to find out because she already know. The answer had been 'yes' and that she had been getting care from her on a weekly basis to ensure that she had this child. It was a secret that pair of them shared. I did not dismiss her but rather stormed out of my home and ran away. Eventually my legs lead me to a young woman and her father who sold alcohol in the Hob. I bought every last drop of it and took a few rounds to get it all back home. I sat and contemplated burning the house down but I knew where that would land me. Instead I downed bottle after bottle until I passed out. I woke the next day and did it again. This was a the routine until the Victor's Tour, where I was rude and distant. Effie was just as young as I was, but she was confident and the Capitol was willing to let her have a go at it. They put her on District 12 because of her age, naturally. They wanted to see how she handled the pressure of the Games. Effie had been manipulative and strict the entire time. Since I didn't have a mentor she would often show tapes from past Games in secret. "I don't want a losing District! That will look bad to my co-workers!" She was anal the entire time and it hadn't lightened on the Victor's Tour. She only smiled more._

_Once I was home I fell into the drunken slumber than would become my life. I tried sobering up for the next few years of Games' but when it showed to be worthless and painful I stopped caring. Their lives were in my hands, but there were no miracles I would be able to perform to keep them alive. They were weak and uneducated when they came to me and I could hardly send them to the arena in better shape. It was a sick and twisted concept but at some point I had to see the truth, and the truth was that I couldn't held this forsaken children._

_Then Katniss Everdeen came along. Her and Peeta Mellark. They were the first tribtues that wanted to fight. They wanted to win. Peeta, actually, wanted to lose because of his love for Katniss. Katniss, on the other hand, had something at home worth winning for. She reminded me so much of myself it was heartbreaking. The only thing that kept my sober was how much she resembled _her_. When Katniss spoke I heard her voice. She had her hair and her deep gray eyes. Peeta mentioned in the arena that Katniss was myfavorite, then later saying that I hated her. The truth was that she was my favorite but I also hated her. She was my favorite because she had such a great chance at winning. I had hope in her. But I hated her because she reminded me of the girl I once loved. Some nights I found myself having good dreams that later turned into nightmares because my love would be replaced with Katniss. I would wake and stare at the alcohol sitting in my room. The Capitol knew my habits but I couldn't give in until after the Games. I owed Katniss and Peeta my full attention then. I owed them everything that I lost of the Capitol. The attention I would have given my wife, that I would have given my child._

_The truth of it all is, though, that I wanted to stay with Katniss after the rebellion in 12. I had been asked to watch over her, but there hadn't been a cloud of doubt in my mind. I wanted to be near her because after the rebellion, for me, there was nothing to fear. I was still a drunk most days, but I started dreaming about her and the life we could have had. Sometimes I'll dream that Katniss is in her place but I don't consider it a nightmare anymore. She brought me a peace that I didn't think I could ever have again._

_I'd thank her, but she wouldn't understand._

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><p><em>Please don't lash out for anything technically wrong with this. It's just a reminder because sometimes people take it a little too seriously. Mention it by all means, just be kind about it. 3 Thanks! R&amp;R<br>_


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